Dog-gone determined

Good morning!

Now that I have my degree, I keep asking myself where I go from here. Since I'm torn between writing and photography, I've teetered back and forth between the two, finally coming to the conclusion that I need to do both.

In the past I've always depended on others for my happiness, never believing that I had it in me to make myself happy. How does one go about changing their course from focusing on pleasing everybody else to pleasing themself, and is it possible to do both?

Perhaps happy is the wrong word...I think I mean content. Content for me means being at peace with who I am and what I do - the first one is the hardest.

I had to nurture myself, relearn to make negative experiences positive, and remind myself that each new day was a new start. Yes, it sounds cliche, but even that was better than living with the constant voice in my head that said I was worthless.

Friends, family, and kind strangers began to notice my passion regarding certain aspects of my character. I forced myself to face the wilderness, an event that took a lot of time and patience.

From watching nature, I learned about parenting. I saw a mother Osprey stuff herself in the middle between her two nestlings and beat them with her wings when they sqabbled; I giggled, but they settled down. Immediately afterward, the mother nuzzled each one with her beak - showing that a firm wing, patience, and love can blend together.

A mother moose showed me her calf, and another cow moose came to me and nuzzled my arm. These experiences made me want to protect these animals and our planet. I also became more determined to photograph as much wildlife as possible - there's been a couple of moments when I put myself in danger, but I believe I'm stronger for it.

I learned to care about myself and my decisions because wildlife meant so much to me. That and a kick in the butt from friends, family, and even classmates/professors helped me understand that I do have a purpose.

So, where does that leave me? What job should I focus on? Knowing writing and photography sustained me when I lost sight of other things, and the Grace of God, the One who put so many angles in my path to help show me my way has helped.

After being disabled for so many years, finding a job has been nearly impossible - but that doesn't mean I can't earn a living. While my first priority is to protect all that I can, I need to earn money so I can keep going into areas where animals are many and people are few.

People; they make me nervous, uncertain, and I never trust my judgement right away. However, I love animals and always have. That gave me an idea: how about doing pet photography? It's an area where the pressure is less intense, plus I'm not honing in on other areas like prom and wedding photos (pressure, lots of pressure!), and best of all, I can be myself.

Dogs, cats, horses, birds, and the list goes on. I can laugh, giggle, be gentle or playful. I can be the person I'm meant to be. This allows me to be more cautious when I am around people.

I do well when I'm around a few people, but not so well in a crowd. So, I think I've chosen the right field.

One thing is for certain: knowing and proving discrimination are two very different things. I need a job, I need to feel independent, and fortunately, there are enough people who believe in my abilities to trust me with their pets - and that allows me to put time and energy into everything I love - and that does include the environment.

The best part of all of this is that I'm starting to accept who I am, and even better, I like this person who is emerging.

Morning Walk

Early this morning at day break, I took my dog for a walk. The sky was thick with gray clouds and the morning had a desolate feel to it. As we crossed over a set of railroad tracks, I spotted a pile of deer feed. Some deer are not afraid of trains; more than once, I've seen the carcass of deer that didn't move out of the way in time from an oncoming train.

Due to the way the pile of feed was situated, there was little doubt it had been deliberate. With the heel of my boot, I scraped as much as I could off the icy tracks, angry at the malicious sense of humor somebody had.

That done, my dog and I continued on to an area that has several sand piles. Those piles give him exercise that I'm unable to do. He has to force himself to climb without sliding back down. It also makes him stronger; the stronger he is, the more he is able to brace if I fall.

As he raced around the area, I stood, hands in coat pockets thinking about the deer feed in the middle of the tracks and of how dismal the day looked.

Shortly after our arrival at the sand piles, I heard the first call of a coyote. Others quickly joined in. The haunting melody enhanced the sadness I felt. Perhaps my sadness stemmed from a friend telling me about the dead twin fawns she found by her house yesterday or perhaps it was just how flat and colorless the world looked to me. Perhaps it was simply my reaction to the cruelty that some people have, their disregard for life, animals and humans alike.

On our way back home, I stopped once more at the tracks to scrape more of the sweet corn into a field. That done, we headed back home, greeted by several song birds singing to one another - another reminder that while some aspects of life may be bleak, there are others that have the ability to balance it out.

Coming 'round the bend

This is the same train from the other post, but as you can see, this time it is farther away. I wanted to capture the background, but at the same time, I didn't want any building in town (other than the Cheney station) to show. I took this from a field that can't be seen here, standing off to one side in my attempt to capture what I visualized. I think it worked, but others may think differently.

Train coming through Cheney, Washington

I love taking photos of nature and wildlife, but I also enjoy trying new things. This was the first train I ever photographed and I love it because it's on the move. This was just before the sun made it over the tree tops. A few more minutes and I would've lost this particular lighting. I used my Canon Rebel XT with a 300mm lens. Although nature and wildlife are always my first choice when trekking around the area with my camera, trains come in at a close second.

My Buddy

This moose is my buddy. He has a striking scar across the bridge of his muzzle, so I always know when it's him if we run across each other.

As you can see, he is still in velvet. This photo was taken on a very (very) hot day in July. As I walked around, he noticed me, and instead of backing away, I edged in closer.

I stood for a few minutes, taking some photos, and then he stopped eating to look me over. At that point, he ducked his head below the brush. A second later he popped back up, doing this several times. Then he peered around the trees, his paddles sticking out making it an amusing sight, until I realized what was going on: he was playing with me.

I tuned out the rest of the world around me, completely unaware of the folks on the road watching our interaction, as I accepted his invitation to play. When his head became visible, I ducked. This went on between us for several minutes.

I became aware part way through our game that something was wrong. A sixth sense alerted me to danger, but I instinctively knew the moose wasn't the threat.

About that time, the moose stopped the game, trotted over to a thicket of tall grass, snorted, and reared several times. I turned slowly so that I faced the danger rather than have it at my back.

I never saw the threat, but later I was told that it had been a cougar, possibly one that came down to the refuge for water since our drought had been so bad.

It wasn't until later, when I uploaded the photos, that I noticed the moose had been scratched for his efforts. Once the immediate threat was gone, the moose resumed our game for another few minutes.

I've always loved moose, but I now have a real appreciation for them. I am aware that they are unpredictable, but that hot summer day, this moose became my angel.

Nubster

This spring fawn was with a small herd of deer that frequent a lake I often go to. I named him Nubster because I saw the nubs on his head indicating his gender.

Between this young male and myself there were two barriers: a highway and high fence. His mother seemed wary of me and my intentions, and although I had my dog with me, she paid him no mind. The tripod captured her attention; I wondered if she thought it might be something used to harm her or her offspring and for that reason, I kept my distance.

Nubster ate the grass on the hillside never straying too far from his mother. In the small herd, there was a one-pointer that had a nasty attitude. He lobbed his head at some of the others in his herd, picked on Nubster, and then, I think, Nubster's mom. Perhaps it was his own mother as well? Regardless, the doe snorted at him, then gave him a swift kick. The trouble maker looked up at the sound of my laughter, snorted, and then lobbed his head at me. I refused to acknowledge his challenge.

Young Buck

As I was hiking the other day, I noticed this young buck watching me. I was hefting a five pound tripod (great for any weather!) and in order to get this photo, I had to set up fast, aim, and shoot.

In the background, I could hear the blasts from hunters as they shot at their prey. The buck didn't seem that nervous, but I can't say the same. I was on a refuge, but where it ends and hunting begins is an unknown factor to me.

This was taken late in the morning and I had several branches blocking my view. On top of that I had to deal with solar spots from the sun reflecting off my lens. I've ordered a hood for my camera, but it hasn't arrived as of yet.

I cropped out the rest of his body due to the solar flare that ruined the rest of the shot. I salvaged what I could, realizing that this is one I probably won't be able to sell.

While trekking around in the outdoors, I make a point of wearing red so that hunters see me. However, I also try to walk quietly and stick to areas where the brush is thick so I can view animals at a closer distance. Despite the red, my actions could make me a target for hunters who cross the line, the ones who shoot at moving branches without taking a closer look. Fortunately the hunters I know are law-abiding, and not only do they make certain that the animal they are after is legal, most will not knowingly shoot a doe that has a youngster to take care of.

From what I'm told, this fellow is too young to hunt.

My favorite sites

Hi! There are two sites that are favorites of mine. The first one is http://www.bobshannon.org/ because Bob (great man that he is) gave me a chance by putting some of my work on his site.

The second site I frequently visit is http://www.treknature.com/. It is a terrific family site, especially for those who enjoy learning about new animals. There's the chance to see animals from all over the world and learn about them and best of all, there's no spam or advertising. The same is true with Bob's site. God bless 'em!