Cherished Memories

It's almost been a year since Mama passed. On some levels, I find myself sad because I miss her; on another level, I know that she is no longer in pain and while I cannot see her, I feel certain she watches over me.

The other day while searching through a box that I had yet to delve through and sort, I came across a photo I took - one where she is holding her grandson for the first - and one of the last - time.

While her body is obviously weak, the light in her eyes is strong and radiates the love she does not express verbally. The way she holds her grandson screams out how much he is adored - the pride gives her face a healthy glow that hasn't been seen in a couple of years.

Her last days were of sadness and hope. While sad to be leaving her family, she had high hopes for all of us. Her own belief system, the way she held fast to her faith that God was/is looking out for her family has, I admit, given me strength during the 'first' holidays without her.

I had no intentions of putting up a tree, but Mama loved Christmas. I think it was her favorite holiday. Not only did she love to decorate, but when we were small, she'd make up stories about various characters that she created. For instance, she created Charlie the Elf.

Charlie enjoyed spending more time visiting children and leaving gifts on doorsteps of houses where helpful children lived. He existed not only at Christmas, but every day of the year. Now and then he'd leave a Christmas gift at Easter (confused little elf that just loved Christmas, that's all) simply because he enjoyed the gift of giving.

Although I resolved not to go out of my way to celebrate Christmas with all the trimmings this past year, I was surrounded by memories of years' past.

Given that I was spending time recalling the many Christmas's we spent together, I knew that Mama would not only want me to remember the many holidays we spent together, but also she'd want me to create new memories.

I once said that Mama would always be a whisper away, and even in my grief, I always believed that - and still do. When I feel especially lonely or down, I say a whispered prayer to God, asking him to pass my words on to Mama. I believe He does as I request, and now, not only do I have a new guardian angel that I love and who also loves me dearly, but the one that watched over me before Mama was called home, I believe, gives her a hand. After all, with so many children and families, Mama probably wants to spend time with all of us - and you know, that thought leaves me feeling content.

Yes, on some level there is an empty space inside my soul. However, when I remember that those I love who have been called home, I have no doubts that when I, too, am called there will be a large welcome home party - and then that empty feeling fades away and is replaced by a warm feeling that I call love.

Thankful

Today I'm simply thankful. While I miss Mama, I can feel her around me as I go about my day-to-day activities. She is frequently on mind, especially since the Holidays are here. She looked forward to the mishmash of Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and the like. To ignore them simply because she is not here in physical body would be a travesty; therefore, I intend to enjoy each to the fullest, knowing, as I've always believed that she is only a whisper away. That, for me, is enough to be thankful.

Mama is gone

This will be my first Easter without Mama and it's hard not to feel just a bit blue. I know she's in Heaven, and that she's only a whisper away, but that doesn't make me miss her any less. Still she's in a wonderful place, and someday soon, we shall meet again. This is just to say that I miss her and her humor...

A Little Color

For those, like me, needing some additional color, this fall leaf is for you...

A Little Muse

With the ice-covered ground, I am antsy for spring. I want to go outside, watch wildlife with my camera ready, and spy on families with new babies. I love the ducks, deer, porcupines, and other critters. I even have a special affection for skunks, and no, I'm not sure why.

Winter can be enjoyable, but when the weather is dreary, gray, and foggy day after day, it takes a toll. I now understand cabin fever! There's still plenty around to photograph, but what I really long for are the vibrant colors of spring. This particular winter feels as if it will never end and there's still two months of it left.

When I really feel the need to see life, I go back and look at some of my older photographs such as the mallard pictured here. Although not the best photograph, at least it has some color - the water could use more color, but at least the duck stands out!

I love the pose, the way the feathers almost seem as if I could reach out and touch them (unlike Ma Bell...) If you're feeling a little cabin feverish yourself, hopefully this will brighten your day!

Please, feel free to share some of your musings and wildlife experiences.

what I'm up to lately...

Many folks have asked me what I've been doing. Recently I've spent time working on a book for children that is about squirrels. Not only does it have text, but it includes all photos, both good and bad. I've had a blast doing it - and squirrels, in my opinion, are always worth watching!

an update

I know, I'm slow to update my blog. I haven't had much of a chance to get out to do photography because of the large amount of snow we've had. We, in our little town, managed to shatter a 130 year old record with our wintery white stuff.