Some Days Are A Little Messy

Some days are just a little messy whether it is due to a lack of organizational skills, a spilled drink, a ruined outfit, a hole in a pair of slacks (usually in a prominent place unbeknownst to the wearer), but we get through it.

One of the ways I am able to get through those messy days is through humor. In order to get this shot, I had to crawl on my belly - not such a bad thing unless your allergic to grass, trees, flowers, and anything else that grows outdoors.

Then there's the irony that I lack the ability to judge distance, can't see out of the corner of my eyes, and have severe night blindness, and knowing all this, where do I spend my time? Outdoors, of course.

True, I got a nice case of hives for the effort of grabbing this shot, but was reminded by this squirrel that I've named Messy Marvin that it's so easy to accidentally make a mess.

There are various types of messes: chaotic house with things all over the place (mine), a sloppy eater that tends to drip and drop food on the table or floor (sometimes me), and the kinds that are a little bit harder to clean up. Those are the ones that bother me most.

In social situations I tend to blurt out things I don't mean because I'm uncomfortable around several people - even if I know them. I'll chatter non-stop out of pure nervousness. Last time I went to a function, I asked somebody when their baby was due. Uh, she wasn't pregnant. How does one take back something like that?

I can recall when I was in high school (I was bolder then) and was sitting down to lunch. There was a girl sitting at the table in front of me and for some reason, I noticed her earrings. They were beautiful crosses. Not realizing I needed glasses then, I walked up to her, got in her face, looked hard at the earrings, then said, "I thought the crosses were upside down."

She probably thought I'd lost my mind; if I angered her, she didn't make a fuss out of it. Obviously, I lacked social graces. I guess I still do.

A few years ago I went to Italy. I ordered a pasta, and thinking it would be hot and filled with meatballs, I was shocked to not only find it cold, but filled with fish. I spat it out not realizing it was considered a real treat. I insulted the cook; they kindly directed me to an American eatery.

That same trip, I decided to wash my clothing out by hand in order to save money. That part was easy, and since the day was warm - and I had planned an afternoon of sight-seeing, I decided I'd hang the clothing over the balcony to air dry. I didn't take one thing into account: while I was gone, it suddenly turned windy. Many things blew away, including a few things I decided not to go looking for. Some things are easier just to replace in order to save face.

If that wasn't bad enough. One evening there was a beautiful sunset. Not wanting to let the bugs into my hotel, I shut the sliding glass door. An hour later, I decided to go back inside and that's when I discovered I was locked out.

Normally not such a big deal, but since I was on the third floor without a staircase, all I could do was shout out for help. To give you an idea of how loud I can be, it was the patrons ACROSS the street inside a bar that heard my cries: "Help, I've locked myself out and can't get in." For some reason, I was reminded of that horrible commercial 'help, I've fallen and can't get up."

A couple of men came out, looked up to see where the noise was coming from, and before they went for help, they literally fell down laughing.

In America, when one steps out onto a balcony and closes the sliding glass door, one expects to be able to walk back in. I tried to explain that to the clerk (who by the way was so kind), she could only laugh.

What made that experience worse was that I was due to leave early the following morning to return home. My thoughts were dismal, afraid I'd be left outside all night, miss my ride to the airport, miss my plane, and all kinds of other horrible things. I doubt I was screaming for more than a couple of minutes, but it felt like hours. It was one of those times when time seems to slow down and seconds feel like minutes.

When I finally left the hotel the following morning, I was told that they'd be bored because they wouldn't have to do anything work-wise. During my six days at that hotel, I got lost, locked myself out of my room, had my clothing blow away, lost my passport, insulted the favorite near by eatery, lost my key to my room, and those are only a few of the things that come to mind.

So, life can be a little messy, but somehow, we pull ourselves together and manage to make it through. Still, Messy Marvin not only reminded of 'regular messes' in our lives, but he made me hungry as well. I came home, cooled down, and ate a cookie.

Medicare and your opinion

As a person on disability, I believed that Medicare was far better than Medicaid, that I'd have more options, better service, and that doctors would be more willing to see me. How wrong I was.

Very few people know that I take medication on a daily basis; for seven years I've been stable. Night terrors decreased, depression wasn't so intense, and I even gained the courage to go back to school, earning both an undergraduate and a graduate degree. Sounds great, right?

There's a problem when a person has been disabled for a number of years. Now I'm overqualified for some jobs and lack experience on others. No problem, I'll just deal with them.

I planned on issues with starting a new business, but recently I went from SSI to SS. That meant my insurance changed; suddenly, I can't see the doctor who prescribes my maintenence medication, nobody else is taking new clients, and even my own personal medical doctor is reluctanct to give me the prescriptions that help me remain stable. Now I hear they want to increase premiums when services are already bad. How does increasing premiums help those who need medical attention?

What does one do when medication makes the difference between living among a normal society versus not being able to cope around other people? Medications are harder to get, being seen by a doctor is more difficult, and last, I've noticed a stigma attached when I hand over my insurance card. I'm willing to bet that receptionists aren't aware of the frown they wear when handed such cards.

Medical care is becoming increasingly difficult to obtain, and many, like me, have managed to keep it a secret that I need antidepressents or anti-anxiety medication - or even medication for night terrors. Some how, it doesn't come up in every day conversation...

I know promises are being made for the next election, but I'm tired or rhetoric...I want answers, solutions, or at least knowing that more than words are being said - let's have those promises put into action. I have since found out that some elderly have died because they couldn't afford medication - add that to the gas prices, and something has to give. What is the solution...actually, taking this to a new level, what is your take on this? If you had the power, what would you suggest???

Musing

A few days ago I published this photo on http://www.treknature.com/ under the title 'so that all might live' and made it a dedication to those who have served their country - regardless of which country it was.
It was my way of saying thank you, and you know, I felt pretty good about the dedication. I stroked my ego a few times, patted myself on the back, and then continued my day without another thought (after calling people I knew, thanking them for the time they spent defending the USA in various wars), before I relaxed and enjoyed my day.
The photo was intended to show that as long as people are willing to sacrafice their time (and these days, frequently their lives), then the youngsters of today have a chance for a tomorrow. Never once did I consider about those who spent Memorial Weekend alone...come to think of it, other than for family and friends, I didn't think of anybody else. I'm such a fool.
This morning I learned that an acquaintance living in the same apartment building as myself committed suicide. I didn't know him well, but I know I liked him. Polite, kind, never complained, and often stopped to say hello if we passed each other on our way in or out. Like others around me, I simply took for granted that he was a part of the establishment here, one that represented the status-quo - a regular guy who never said a mean word about anybody living here. Like a lamp, he was a quiet fixture, noticed only when seen. Perhaps that was part of the problem.
I didn't know him well because he stayed to himself. I suppose I could even compare his existence here to invisibility. We spoke only if we saw each other as we came and went. I never heard the TV from his apartment...come to think of it, I never heard anything from his apartment. Pleasant fellow, not the sort I'd knock on the door of simply because I didn't really know him except for exchanging pleasantries. For all intents and purposes, he was invisible.
A few weeks ago he acquired a new car and I made a comment about it. We spoke for a few seconds and once more, went our separate ways.
Today I wonder about him. What shows did he like on TV or did he even like TV? Did he have any hobbies? I can't recall anybody stopping over to visit him anymore than I can recall him visiting with neighbors for a chat about the weather or whatever else was on our minds. I wonder if he knew how well liked he was? I know I never mentioned it; I took it for granted that he knew, just as I took for granted that he was exactly the type of neighbor I enjoyed having around, never once thinking about what made him happy.
Suicide. It's so final and leaves so many unanswered questions, the main one, at least to me, how did we fail? I'm not a stranger to suicide. Uncles of mine have committed it, a friend or two attempted it (one eventually succeeding), but even with the friend who eventually succeeded, I wasn't that surprised.
The funny part about all of this is that until today, I never thought about him. Now I can't get my mind off of him. In my mind's eye, I see his face. Did he ever smile? Not that I saw, but I never saw him angry either. Was he a VET? It's possible, and considering the timing, I've speculated that perhaps there was a tie to Memorial Day weekend, and if so, doesn't that make him another casualty of a by-gone war?
Whatever his reasons were, I can only hope that today he is at peace. Ironically even though he was an acquaintance that I liked, there's an emptiness inside today that wasn't there yesterday.
Hopefully I'll think more about the people around me and less about myself. Today I wish I had taken the time to know him better, but that's too little too late. I can only hope to try a little harder to get to know the invisible people around that I do like - and make a point to tell them. It won't change what happened, but I know of at least one other person I sort of know but have never bothered to take it to the friendship level. Perhaps today is a good time to stop by for no other reason than just to say hello.

still living

Hi! I know I don't often post, but sometimes life catches up with a person and it's all they can do is breathe. I'm sure most of us can relate to that, and frankly, that's where I've been the past few weeks.

A quick update: I signed up with an agency to do some reality shows, plus I'm in the process of starting my own greeting card company using images that I've photographed. My mother has been ill and that has consumed much of my time, plus there's my wonderful dog that needs attention, and thoughout all of that, I forgot to take care of one person who needed taken care of: me.

Hopefully, I'm back on track now and while I let too much time go between posts, I'll try to do better in the future. I'll keep pecking away, much like the Northern Flicker woodpecker until everything that needs to get done is finished.

Is it safe yet

Bandit, like me, noticed the red-tail hawk flying above and scurried for cover. The hawk was flying low looking for a meal and while most squirrels scampered up trees, Bandit chose to hide behind one. I noticed a few things he has in common with humans: as he waited for the danger to pass, he wrung his paws, much like we wring our hands. He went completely still, going into fight/flight response, and while hidden, he kept peeking around to make sure the danger stayed away from him.His breathing became very shallow, and although his tail didn't twitch any more than his whiskers, I did see his small body tremble with fear.Even after the hawk left, Bandit stayed behind the tree for several minutes after, as if to make sure it was really safe for him to venture into the open.I only took a few photos because I didn't want to frighten him anymore - though I would've taken the shot had the hawk swooped down. However, I must admit, I'm really starting to love this audacious bandit.The sun was peeking out from behind some clouds which accounts for the lighting. My focus was on him, so the tree he hid behind became soft and blended into the background. I wonder now if I should've focused on the scene in front of me, making the tree sharp. Something, I suppose, I'll think about next time.Happily, Bandit still is around to beg, steal, and pitch fits.

come fight me like a squirrel

This squirrel was ready to take me on. He scampered down the tree, and while he didn't seem to be afraid of me, I think my camera bothered him.My timing wasn't the best because I picked the middle of the day. The clouds finally left, the rain stopped, and I considered myself fortunate not to have some heavy shadows. I used the smaller lens because it can zoom in farther (though I've given hints what I want for my birthday - and thanks, Bob, for pointing it out to me!) and capture what would be out of range for my other lenses.I enjoy walking around the neighborhood and being the wildlife peeping tom, looking for whose got out birdfeeders and squirrel food. Then later (especially when I think nobody is home), I stake out the place hoping for a bit of action.On this particular day I got more action than I bargained for. Not only did I get screamed at by this opinionated squirrel, but while I sat in the homeowners yard - on a tarp I set out with my drink and munchies, they just happened to come home.I tried to sputter an expaination, gather my things, and beat a hasty retreat, but fortunately, they are wildlife lovers themselves. What could've been a horrible experience turned into something good because I was able to identify two birds that have been feeding at their feeders, plus they'd seen the Northern Flicker several times, and while they knew he was a woodpecker, they knew little about them - including their name.As a result, I now have permission to make myself comfortable in their yard whether they are there or not. The one promise I made: if I get a really decent photo, they get a free large print.When I think about it, I've been really fortunate because there about five different houses where I make myself at home in their yards. One is very much aware of me - make that two, now. The other three never seem to be there; however, since the feeders are usually full, I assume I just haven't seen the owners.I wonder, though, if it would be easier to take a collaspible chair with me - not that it would make an explaination any easier if the owner came home before I can leave. My best hope is that they would be honored and since they obviously feed the critters, they might not take offense, especially if I offer them a photo.The only one that remained perturbed was this squirrel that challenged me to a duel. Sadly, I don't know how to fight like a squirrel, but I've got a distinct feeling he wouldn't mind showing me how - not that I doubt for a single moment he'd cheat!

Timidity

At times I think we can all be timid from time to time, especially when facing new things. As I wander about in the wildnerness, I am always on the lookout for animals. I've seen some timid animals, especially deer and even elk from time to time. However, squirrels, while quick, are often bold. When I spotted this little guy up in the tree, I was startled. He was so timid, reminding me of my own moments when I was afraid to face the world. Although timid, he remained calm - perhaps because he knew I couldn't get to him. I've gone back a couple of times and he will only peer out at me. I wonder now if he's a baby and is too young to go anywhere on his own? Any ideas?